So my “Live the Dream” mindset only lasted about three days before I was back spinning my wheels again. I’m hoping hormones or some other passing condition are the cause of my recent inability to cope with life. Please allow me to wax on.
This month starts Tom’s final year of medical school. Let me explain what that means to me:
Tom will have more free time this year than he may have combined over the next five years- nows the time to make memories, travel, have fun!
Fourth year carries with it a lot of financial obligations. Step 2- over a thousand buckeroos, interview costs: flights, housing, apparel- a few thousand, moving costs, selling the home costs- both realtor fees and final projects (painting the house and installing AC being quite pricey). We just had to drop 2 grand into Tom’s truck we spent $600 on my car not too long ago. Then there’s the “take advantage of the only time off you’ll have over the next six years- we ought to take a vacation” potential expenses, there’s tickets home for Christmas- over a thousand bucks. . . Are you stressed yet?
We need to sell our house next spring. Our realtor said that the houses that are really selling are those where everything is fixed up and finished off. We have a long list of things we need to paint, fix, clean before next spring. Not to mention the thought of keeping this place immaculate stresses me out as the dust on our baseboards gets thicker and thicker. 
We want to move next spring. Having helped with a few moves lately, the very thought of that gives me the willies. Every day I reanalyze what we should bring and what we should try to sell, when we should try to sell it, what we can get rid of now to save us the time later, how I can prepare now to reduce the pressure then.
We want to have another baby sometime in the future. When should that be? How will my being pregnant complicate all the things above? How can we time it so that we can have a period of peace and tranquility in which to enjoy our new baby? This further agravates my planning and desire to be VERY proactive with everything. What if I’m in my third trimester and can’t pick up large boxes when we’re ready to move? Maybe I should pack NOW! 
This is most likely our last year in Cleveland. We should take advantage of all it has to offer. 
Meanwhile we’ve had the hottest summer ever. Keeping up with the watering around here is a task in and of itself. Until a few days ago we didn’t have any air conditioning (Thanks you Lovatos for the units!), which in the past hasn’t been a problem. But several weeks where the temp in our house was above 80 degrees meant all ambition was thwarted by a desire to lay on the floor in the basement and drink ice cold smoothies.
Weeks of late night rehearsals meant lingering fatigue. 
It all sounds pretty pathetic, but the feelings are real and powerful and thus must be acknowledge before they can be dealt with. 
Fortunately yesterday I finished our mastercloset. The holes are patched, walls textured primed and painted and the floor has been sanded and refinished. It looks beautiful. Scotland loves it and wishes we were going to fill it with toys instead of clothes! 
I know you will all be sad to hear this, but the pink countertop in the hall bath has been removed. The white countertop we thought would fit won’t, so we’re waiting a few weeks to buy one from a lady who’s selling a vanity and countertop on craigslist. (She’s currently out of town.) We’re return the other one. 
Tom patched and mudded the huge holes in his office closet. (We had the electrical wiring updated throughout our home a few years back and we’re still trying to repair all the holes the project created.) 
We’re hoping to finish the office next! Check, check, check! 

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One response to “Herumph!”

  1. Kjirst,
    I’m just getting around to my google reader. I totally understand your state of mind. I think I’ve learned a few things about what helps me when I’m in this state. First, get it all out. Write it down, tell someone (best if it is not your husband, who might just have a heart attack), prioritize your list and then go to bed. I’m amazed at how these few things can help me. Problems sort themselves out, clarity arrives, perspective surfaces and mostly life just goes on. I love you and so wish I could be close to share your burdens, and enjoy your friendship more. Hang in there. I do think you can chill a little on the cleaning thing. Your house is very clean and a couple of deep cleaning days next winter will get you on track. And you can always continue to fine tune your cleaning even after your house is on the market.

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