I’ve been thinking a lot about what I am ‘supposed’ to be doing right now in my life. Last Sunday when our Relief Society president gave a lesson on moral excellence I felt a twinge of realization- that I wasn’t living up to the standards God has set for me. I’ve used “I have a new baby” as an excuse to not serve and reach out the way I’ve felt I should. Little by little I’ve started to experiment with my capabilities. Conversations with my two sisters have inspired me. If they can do it, so can I. (One has five kids, the other essential twins). Every day this week I did something for someone. And is always the case, I feel so much happier.  The Savior promises: “If any man will do his will, he shall know of the doctrine, whether it be of God, or whether I speak of myself” (John 7:17). Over and over again in my life I’ve marveled at the truth of this promise. I’ll be nervous about “doing” a certain thing, be it getting married, having children, or simply reaching out in service more. Yet every time the choice to act is accompanied by an overwhelming confirmation that the guidance is of God.

Choosing to follow God’s will instead of  my own blesses me with greater peace. I’ve been feeling a bit unsettled, and was having a hard time knowing why. Now I do, I was feeling “called” to help others more, but I kept making up excuses for why I couldn’t. As a result I was feeling a bit guilty about every project I proposed, they all seemed selfish. I felt frozen, and did none of them.  This week after spending some part of every day helping someone, suddenly I felt free to pursue those projects that I had previously rejected as too selfish. They no longer felt selfish. I made the cover for the bench in my kitchen, I prepped the sun room to be painted, I started filling in the frames in Scotland’s room. Fearful that following God’s will meant giving away all my desires, I was hesitant. But God is omniscient, He doesn’t ask us to run faster than we are able. He wants us to be happy.

I talked about this with my friend Claire. (I’ll post later about why I had five wonderful hours to chat with her later.) She suggested that I needn’t feel burdened down with sacrificing my own interests to serve others unless I felt that call. We can’t all be Mother Theresas. However, there is a standing invitation, “Come Follow Me” (Luke 18:22). Christ has set the example, and we are to follow. What that means may play out differently in each of our lives, and Claire is right, the trick is to find our individual “call.” This talk, was the perfect answer to my questions on the subject. President Henry B Eyring, an apostle of the Lord, beautifully outlines how one receives a “testimony” or realization of truth. He quotes Joseph Fielding Smith saying a testimony “is a convincing knowledge given by revelation to [a person] who humbly seeks the truth.” “It’s convincing power is so great that there can be no doubt left in the mind when the Spirit has spoken. It is the only way that a person can truly know that Jesus is the Christ and that his gospel is true.” As I was talking with Claire, I expressed my own knowledge that the church to which I belong, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, is the true church, that it contains all the truth. It’s a bold statement. A hard one to make to a friend from another faith. And yet, recently I’ve realized I can’t deny it. I can’t deny something I know to be true, or else, I’m not being true to myself. Two weeks ago while running with my two girlfriends I made the comment that I believe that all religions are good and that when they are all boiled down I think they teach the same things. The statement has bothered me ever since. Yes, I believe there is good and truth in most if not all religions, but I believe that God is not a God of confusion and that He has given his children one church with all truth, His church, the church of Jesus Christ.

How can I know this? Because I have prayed and asked, and like the above quote says, the spirit  has spoken in a way that has left no doubt in my mind. It’s an experience one cannot describe in words, it is something that is not understood with the mind, only felt with the heart. President Eyring says in his talk, “Testimony requires the nurturing by the prayer of faith, the hungering for the word of God in the scriptures, and the obedience to the truth we have received.” I can’t deny the impressions that have been deeply imprinted on my heart that God has given His church to the earth in its fulness through a prophet. It’s just another way in which the Savior’s promise has held true in my life: If ye will do the will ye will know the doctrine. I asked, and He answered. It’s scary to ask such a bold question, because with the answer comes responsibility. If I know there is a prophet on the earth today, I have to follow him. If I know I am a daughter of God and am therefore divine. I have to live up to that grand potential.

Fortunately, the scariness leaves when one acts on that knowledge and realizes that God’s plan is one of happiness. I was incredibly flattered when my girlfriends picked “Happy” as my nickname. Neither knew that the phrase “Plan of Happiness” looms large in my belief. Neither could have known that that simple selection felt like God saying: Well Done.

I still struggle every day to know God’s will in my life. I want to follow Him. I want to be like Him. I have a long way to go. I’m just grateful that God is patient, and that after weeks like this one, when I really strive to listen and do, He blesses me with happiness.