Rhyse is an absolute doll. She loves to cuddle, is starting to jabber, and even sings the first few phrases of the primary song “Mary’s Lullaby!” (Her three year old sister Capriel always sings it to her when she starts to cry.) She is starting to develop a bit of sass. She’ll be walking anyday.
     
Capriel is three. She is very verbal and loves to be included with the “big kids.” She sings onstantly, mostly “Lullaby” and “How much is that doggy in the window.” She is incredibly coordinated and rarely touches the ground. Her latest is ballet. She is so determined to look just like the ballerinas she has seen that she gets completely up on her toes and bourres around. It really is impressive. She will randomly come up to you and say “Kjirsti, I love you!” I adore her.

Brecklyn is the oldest of this delightful brood. She loves life and is often found reading or creating something. She’s the type of girl that reminds you to stop and smell the roses, not because its poetic but because she’s doing it.  We made a delicious chocolate cake together. It turned into more of a lava cake as a result of excess frosting- but hey, what’s wrong with that!

Landen is the second oldest and the only boy. He’s a dear. We played some catch and I loved watching him play soccer. He’s an intense athlete. I also enjoyed helping him put his quarter collection together.
  
Devin is my hunk of a 18 year old. He and my Dad had driven up from Washington it was so good to see them. I was having fun playing with my fancy camera and Brecklyn and Devin enjoyed being my guinea pigs. I never realized that Devin was serious when he said he was superman!

Isn’t this a catchy picture of my Dad. I love him so much. It was so great to see him if only for a while. My favorite memory with him was visiting Sabina’s nursery. We were talking peppers and tomatoes, and he got so excited with all the new varieties and had to buy a few. His love for plants played all over his face. Sabina my Dad and I were kindred spirits in the nursery all looking on in adoration and desire. It was a unifying moment.

I even had the good fortune of seeing my Grandpa and Grandma Harrison. As my agent, Grandpa gave me a pep talk about my singing, Both blessed me with their confirmation of their steady support.

Brigette once again dazzled me with her creative energy. Her ability to see and recreate is simply astounding to me. One day we remade shirts. She handed me a longsleeve blue long sleeve t-shirt. I looked at it and saw, exactly what it was: a brilliant blue long sleeve t-shirt from Old Navy. I looked back up at her, she pulled up a few options from Ann Taylor and began showing me how I could cut off the sleeves, cut them into strips, ruffle them. . . . to make an amazing shirt! Wow! You astound me Brigette.

Just one more cute one of Prilly with a string cheese.

Somehow I had very little time with Talia. Thankfully I brought her home with me!

My main playmate however was Sabina. We went to town on projects. We’re seriously a dangerous duo because we can talk each other into about anything. Her sweet husband Craig and redecorated their bedroom while she was here, and it looked great except for the furniture. Long story short, we ended up adding about 12 layers of stain in the form of PolyShade to turn this pinkish orange wood furniture set into a beautiful rich brown set. The end product was good, however painstaking.

We shopped, we cooked, we ate, we laughed, we decorated, we cleaned, we gardened, we ran, we cried, and we grew even closer.
I love you Sabina.

The beautiful Winder family.

All in all it was a great trip. It involved some deep thinking and self reflection. Once again I was reminded of how much I adore being an aunt. It’s got to be one of the best family roles. I was reminded of how challenging and difficult as well as uplifting and rewarding motherhood can be. I love the blossoming of warmth and joy that swells in ones heart when a baby cuddles on your chest. Or the light that sparks in ones eyes when a three year old grabs your hand, and looking up with deep sincerity says “I love you.” But there is also the constant cleaning of dishes, picking up, reminding, cooking, washing, listening. There is little time to be an individual. There is little time for intellectual stimulation or personal development. Or so it seems. I found however that both were there, just in more disguised forms. Landen, asked if we will address Christ using the therms “thee” and “thou.” And expressed his concern that he didn’t know how to talk like that. That thought had never crossed my mind. I have never thought so deeply about the role of the church in the life of the family, or about how a woman can balance her desire to serve her family alongside her own desire to continue to develop her individual interests and talents. I found personally, my love grew even within the two weeks span I was there. I went from loving Rhyse because she was my sister’s daughter, to loving Rhyse for Rhyse.

How can one gage progression in a career as amorphous and undefined as motherhood? Or is that the goal? To learn to see life as an eternal whole and less as a time line of events. 

I thought deeply about privacy, and openness. In high school I was a very closed person. Not in the sense that it was immediately apparent, but anyone who wished to delve deeper than the superficial layer found a wall. A wise sister-in-law once commented, that my lack of openness made her feel that I did not trust her and theref
ore doubted how much I loved her. It was a shocking statement to me, a bit of a slap in the face at first. I wanted people to know that I loved them. I wanted to be close to people. From that day on, I determined to be more open. Nearly eight years later, I sometimes wonder if I am too open. What should be private and what should be public? The blog world has really questioned this paradigm. Entries once reserved for a personal journal are posted for the world to see. Is this good? I think so. My relationships post and pre- “the fall of the Kjirsti Wall” are radically different. My openness has allowed others the security to open up to me. I am happier, more free. I have learned to “let” go of bad memories or embarrassing moments preventing them from affecting me beyond their initial impact. Do I still have a way to go? Sure. Do I still have things that I keep hidden? Yes. However, I can witness that when I have let those things go, especially negative things, it has lifted my spirit in a way I didn’t know was possible.

These thoughts all came in the chaos of a family of seven. (Okay, maybe when five of them were asleep. . .) Can one be a mother and still progress intellectually and spiritually- absolutely, it may be impossible not to.