I graduated from the Cleveland Institute of Music on Saturday with my Masters in Music degree. Obtaining an advanced degree has been a dream since I was a teenager. I was a little worried I might not have the opportunity when I got married the year before I graduated from undergrad. Luckily I have a wonderfully supportive husband, who encouraged me to take my education as far as I would like.

In many ways these past two years seem to have been too easy to warrant another degree. But in other ways they have been some of the most educational and difficult times in my life. I have had many ups and downs in my “musical career.” There have been times when I was ready to give it up. I strongly considered getting my Masters in speech pathology instead of vocal performance. At other times I have been passionate that singing opera was what I wanted to do. These past two years have provided me with the opportunity to really test my soul and determine what my deepest desires really are. This is what I have found:

I was listening to a TED talk a few days ago that discussed what makes a great leader. He spoke of how people will follow someone who makes clear what they believe- and who is propelled to action by a deep and obvious belief. His message really resonated with me. These past two years have taught me that I don’t really believe in opera. I love opera. I love singing opera. I hope to perform in operas. However, I don’t believe that opera is the way that I am going to “change the world.” I believe in the recital. I believe that in the recital hall, where one can tell stories of one’s own heart and experience, and where one can have a more intimate connection with the audience, one can truly inspire and move. This is my belief. I realize that recital work will not bring me money, or fame, but it will bring a filling of the heart.

I have learned that I believe in family. I have had several situations these past years when I have had to choose between singing and family. Family has always won out. There is nothing that makes me happier than being with my family. I believe that the family is the fundamental building block of society, and that the most important work I will ever do is within the walls of my home. I have come to realize how much I praise womanhood and motherhood, and felt overwhelmingly of a desire to be a mother of choice- a mother of passion, a mother of pride.

I have learned that singing must come from the soul to be fulfilling. There have been times in these past few years when I felt restricted from singing from the soul, they were some of the more sad and miserable times of my life. Technique is important, it can lead to even greater expression, but technique for technique’s sake can not satisfy. It will eventually lead to bitterness.

I have learned clear communication can improve tense relationships. That one can never assume that another will never change.

I have learned to take constant critique and value it as important instruction.

I still have much to learn. I am still too tender about my voice, still to self conscience, still to worried about what others think. I want to regain the confidence I had as a high schooler- the ability to look into the eyes of the audience and sing with that innocent openness that a heart free of disappointment so confidently bears.

One would think my masters degree would make me more proud, but I think in most ways it has made me more humble. I never expected that six years after high school, my graduate work would teach me more than anything else- how very much I still have to learn.