I liked the man the minute I saw him. He had that radiating warmth, and the “I don’t take myself seriously” air. His lanky legs were accentuated by long pointed shoes, making him look something like an elf. His fluffy hair combined with his long bent nose told of his Jewish ancestry, his eyes twinkled. Little did I know this was my second encounter with Benjamin Zander, a world renown conductor. I had heard his TED talk last summer and had laughed and laughed and told Tom all about it. I think you will all love it, it’s here, it’s a revelatory look into Classical music, as well as a preview of his philosophy of living and leadership, “The Art of Possibility.” (It’s 21 minutes long, so schedule it into your day, you’ll love it.)
There were many parts of this lecture that I loved so much, I thought, I just have to share this.
The first idea was that “life is all invented.” It has been proven that teachers who are told that their classroom is a “gifted classroom” automatically raise their students to the level of gifted. Zander spoke of giving everyone an “A” and then not expecting them to live up to it, but rather allowing them the “possibility” of fulfilling that potential. Think of how free and willing you are to help, to do good, to be your better self, when you know that person your associating with thinks of the world of you, or admires you. I had an experience with a student just last fall. Our first few lessons didn’t go so well. I felt that she was questioning my authority, that she disliked my feedback. I thought she was standoffish and a bit stuck up. I didn’t like the vibes between us, so I decided, I am going to start treating her like my favorite student. Within the next lesson the entire atmosphere of our lessons had changed. Things have been fine ever since. I entirely believe in the concept that life is invented. I’m an actress not only on stage but in life, I think its essential. We all come to earth with various strengths and weaknesses, and yet we have all been asked, even commanded to “Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in Heaven is perfect.” (Matt. 5:48) We’ve been invited to “Come unto Me” (Christ). Well, none of us are perfect, but we can do our very best to play that role, and I believe that if you act a certain way for a long enough period of time, you will become that way. Sure, I can already hear the cynics saying, “Thank you miss rosy eyed glasses girl.” Say what you will, but I can promise you, yes promise, that when you feel grumpy and instead you take on the role of a happy curiosity, suddenly “in character” you notice the beautiful play of the sun on the lawn, you delight in the melodies of the returning spring birds, and the next thing you know, you aren’t acting anymore. The grumps have left and you are truly delighted. Now this may take some training, some people aren’t natural actors, but it’s worth working on. If you struggle to get a long with a certain person, pretend they are your best friend, talk to them like they are, and soon they will become such.
Zander bases much of his ideas on the comparison of the “downward spiral”- the state where you complain rejoice, complain, rejoice, judge, criticize, puff yourself up at the expense of others, go through life in a step by step-success is only at the top mentality. In contrast to the “radiating circle” where there is no end goal, each day can be successful, there is no comparing, judging, criticizing, rather there is lifting others, laughing not at but with others, fame power and wealth are not the aim, but rather contribution and possibility. (Or in the terms of the talk I am giving in church tomorrow- charity. I love how truths are truths, you can explain them in secular terms, or religious terms, but in the end they’re the same.) Zander says you know you’re living in the realm of the radiating circle- that of possibility when your eyes are shining. (Does that sound familiar you Mormon folk you?) He says you know you are there, your family is there, those you lead are there when their eyes are shining. (Check right now, are your eyes shining? Think about the last time you had a conversation with a great friend, were your eyes shining? What a great way to judge situations.)
Two construction workers were eating lunch together. One opened his lunch and pulled out his sandwich, he looked down at it and said, “Oh GROSS! I hate egg and tomatoe sandwiches, yuck!” and threw the sandwich away. The other worker look surprised but said nothing. The next day the two were eatting lunch together when the first pulled out his sandwich and exclaimed “Ham and cheese! I hate ham and cheese!” and threw the sandwich away. Again, the other worker looked over at him with confusion, but went on eating. The third day, they ate together again. The first worker opened his lunch bag pulled out his sandwich and bellowed: “Tuna and lettuce, I despise tuna and lettuce!” and threw the sandwich away. The other worker looked up at him and said “Hey, man, have you ever tried telling your wife what type of sandwiches you like?” The first worker yelled back, “Leave my wife out of this, I make my own darn sandwiches!”
We control our lives more than we think. If we find ourselves complaining about all the things we have to do, perhaps we need to step back and analyze who really made the sandwich.
A few other quotes I loved:
“My wife is the author of the book we co-authored.”
“There is no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing.” – From his father who lost 8 siblings in the Holocaust.
“The conductor doesn’t make a sound. His power comes in making other people play powerfully.”
“It’s only when you’ve given an “A” to someone, that you can really tell them the truth.”
“Within every piece of stone is a beautiful statue.” -Michelangelo.
“Make life unforgettable for those you come in contact with.”
Wake up with the mentality “I will contribute.”
“Live in possibility.”
