I’m reading a book right now, and the author talks quite a bit about her habit of writing. I find myself feeling a bit jealous every time she speaks of it. Oh, how I’d love to have more time to write, I think. Then I realize, I have all the time I need to write, I just have to take it, to make it.
I had a real turning point sort of week. I hope it’s a permanent turn. I’ve been studying prayer and revelation in preparation for the class I teach on Sundays. As I studied this talk, I was really inspired to make my prayers more connected, to set a goal in the morning and report back in the evening. It fit perfectly with my recent realization that I am an obliger (again from Better Than Before). I’m quite reliable if others ask me to do something, but I tend to slack when it’s just me asking myself to do things. Accepting this was key. Then I knew I had to do something about it, I needed to find accountability for those things I want to change or do, that no one else was aware of. (Think virtues like charity, patience.) Prayer, I realized, was the ideal practice. I have covenanted with my Father in Heaven, and thereby obliged myself to Him. Through prayer I am able to work with Him to set the course of my day and then follow through with Him. I made a simple chart so that I could write down my goals and daily reports (writing is powerful for me.) And it worked wonders. I had a really transformative week. I curbed my angry outbreaks. My adoration of Scotland returned as I sought to understand and respect him more. As a result, his angelic behavior returned. The spirit was in our home, love abounded, and I LOVED motherhood. I felt supported. I was working with someone, I felt the aid of God. Each night as I reported back I repented for my short comings and sought suggestions and guidance on how to prevent them the following day. And together We rejoiced at my successes. The next morning, reflecting on the previous days struggles I set a clear goal, prayed for inspiration and help to carry it out. And got on my feet and went for it.
Tom recently posted this article on FB. It talks about how Residency programs’ emphasis on education has been radically reduced and as a result residents level of satisfaction has dropped. Where residents of the past were content to work long hard hours, empowered by their sense of purpose established by intimate mentorships and learning opportunities. Today, stripped of time to learn from mentors, and read and study, residents feel like slave laborers working alone to do more than seems possible. Education and learning is key. I’ve known that, but I wasn’t sure how to put it in practice in regards to motherhood. How could I create a system of assignments, projects, and evaluations so that, like those residents, I could continue to learn and be inspired to high levels of care. I don’t want to become a jaded mother, unable to see past the monotony of my career path.
Happiness comes from seeking a higher way of living, from personal progress. This new prayer system has given me new found purpose. In my ability to track small successes and figure out solutions to daily failures I feel renewed and rededicated to upward movement, to a higher path of mothering. Now, with assignments, projects, and evaluations, motherhood feels more like a career. My aspirations feel more legitimate, more possible.