Some recent conversations in our home:
Me: “Today we’re going to make some cards to take to some lonely grandma’s and grandpa’s at the rest home on Friday.”
Scotland: “Can I make one for me?”
—-
Me: After telling a bedtime story about how three characters pretend to be elfs and do secret service for friends and neighbors. . ..
Scotland: “You could be an elf, and when I’m gone, you could get me presents!”
—-
Me: “What do you think we should make Daddy for Christmas? . . . What if we made him X! Then we could wrap them up and give them to him for Christmas and he would be SO excited. ”
Scotland: “Maybe you could give me some!”
Me: But Scotland, Christmas is a time to think about what we can give to others.
Scotland: “But you could give me some!”
—-
I’m wondering if I need to take another approach. Maybe if I quit talking the talk and started walking the walk, he would take to the idea, and catch the giving fire himself
I’ve had this impression a lot lately- that the best parenting is done silently, through example. I’m a talker, I LOVE to talk about stuff. I’m much better at discussing ideas than I am about actually implementing them. But I’ve felt the impression many times lately that I need to make a change, that if I want my son to be patient, then I need to wait patiently as he puts his seatbelt on, slowly gets out of the car, takes for ever to. . .  If I want my child to be generous, then I need to go the extra mile in being present and attentive to him, I need to give joyfully, not dutifully. If I want my son to be empathetic, then I need to be more sensitive, more willing to try to understand. If I want my child to be more social then he needs to see me reaching out to others, and putting people first. It’s more likely than not that if Tom and I set firm examples of upstanding, loving, joyful, hardworking, faithful people then our sons will follow suit- eventually.
So my goal- shut my trap. Quit talking and start showing.