Lately I’ve been wondering a lot about why I blog. I listened to a book “Have a Little Faith” that had a quote something like this: “Today’s youth are publicizing everything about their lives online, screaming for fame and recognition.” It struck me. Is that why I blog?Is it my meager way of seeking recognition, approval, fame? The sad reality is, the answer is yes. My blog is my stage across which I narrate my life. Somehow recording it makes it feel more legitimate, more important. After hearing the quote and admitting to my own need for recognition, I felt embarrassed- how juvenile of me. I strongly considered signing off. Maybe my ego would be better served by finding approval from within, and not from some unknown audience. I’m a “words of affirmation” type gal, I wish I wasn’t. I wish my confidence came entirely from my own self esteem. I strive for the day when I don’t crave the kind words of others. But if I’m to be honest, today such comments lift me, help me feel loved, and give me a reason to keep trying. Knowing that there is a group of people who check in on my blog everyday gives me support when I feel lonely.  How does one balance the realities of today with the hopes for tomorrow?
I’ve been reading a lot about and from Eliza R Snow. (My character in “This is Kirtland!”) She left a lot of written records: poetry, journals, a biography of her brother Lorenzo Snow, commentary on the gospel. . . I’m very grateful for these written records. Her words are a window into the trials and endurance of the early saints. Her beautiful tellings of the unity amongst the women in the early days of the Relief Society has stirred my heart immensely this week- as I’ve recognized my own need for “sisters.” Her description of Joseph Smith has reaffirmed my testimony that he was a prophet. Am I too brazen to hope that my records might someday lift someone, guide someone, reassure someone? 
One of my greatest comforts when I start to strongly consider keeping my writing to myself is thinking about how much joy I get from reading the blog entries of my family members. Audrey’s post on mothering boys, Sabina’s beautiful tribute to the blessing of children, getting to see Keiton’s chubby cheeks and Brielle’s spunky looks. They fill my heart and make it a little bit easier to live so far from the people I love so much.
Why do I blog? For many reasons. Some selfish, some generous. Please forgive me for the times when I boast. I’m seeking humility but I fear, pride is my nature.